Just like waves, with its crests and troughs, life has its high and low points.  When we’re in the lower points, we’re likely finding life harder and experiencing some unpleasant emotions.  Understanding the emotions in the context we’re experiencing them can signal for us a value being challenged or a need that requires attending.  Having this new knowledge can help support us getting back to the crest because we’re learning something important for ourselves.

I was recently listening to Adam Grant’s Re:Thinking podcast with guest, psychologist Susan David.  They were speaking about emotional regulation.  When an emotion is labeled as ‘good’ or ‘positive’, ‘bad’ or ‘negative’, it can lead us to judge the emotion and use ineffective strategies to address it.  Two common ways are:

1. Emotion Suppression.  Seeing the emotion as bad and minimizing or suppressing the feeling (e.g. ‘I shouldn’t be so bothered by this’; or ‘I should be grateful because there are others who have it worse.’).  This behaviour impacts our ability to develop skills that help to deal with the world as we’re experiencing it and will have a long-term effect on our well-being and relationships.

2. Brooding on Emotions.  Ruminating about or being consumed by a feeling doesn’t allow any space between ourselves and our response, therefore, we aren’t being present to the context of the situation.  This brooding can be done individually or with others and it doesn’t get us any closer to understanding the emotion in any great depth or how we want to show up in the world.

In my personal experience, I’m able to identify periods in my life where I’ve used both of those strategies that led to a health crisis.  Years ago, I was in a role that was both professionally rewarding and challenging; however, I wasn’t honest with myself and others how this role was impacting me and spent years working long hours, which slowly resulted in distancing myself from loved ones.  One result from that experience: empathic distress fatigue. Looking back, I wish I’d been more honest with myself and not let my ego get in the way.

It was being in the trough of life that allowed me to learn and work on creating healthy boundaries and has solidified integrity as my number one value because it encompasses honesty and courage.